About The Book
Dorothy Donham, the author of Empty Arms--A Heavy Load to Carry, invites you to take a candid glimpse into her private struggle with infertility. Dorothy shatters the walls of silence that often surrounds couples with infertility by sharing her own personal experience. This unique journey has been captured in journal format to the baby she hoped to conceive, her "Angel Baby." She poured out her overwhelming mix of emotions as despairing events actually unfolded. Her longing becomes more evident in each subsequent entry. Empty Arms... will reach out and grab you by the heart as you witness this journey of faith-bending determination. After many unexpected twists and turns--a miracle awaits at the end of the road.
About The Author
Dorothy Donham grew up in northern West Virginia where she currently resides with her husband and two children. She graduated from a private school at the age of fifteen and immediately began her pursuit towards a career in nursing. Dorothy is currently employed as an Oncology Triage Nurse. She also serves as Sunday School Director and a co-worker with Children’s Ministries at the church her husband pastors. Feeling inspired by the miracle God gave her, she felt the need to share her story with others who may feel alone and forgotten in the uncertain world of infertility.
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A moving & compelling journey of faith
Few people understand a woman's emotional need to conceive, carry and nurse a child of her own. And even fewer understand the emotional turmoil that committed couples endure when they discover they cannot conceive. Fewer yet understand the mental anguish (and physical pain for the woman) that the couple faces as they contend with a mirage of tests, procedures and failed attempts to reproduce. "Empty Arms: A Heavy Load to Carry" by Dorothy Donham is a both a heartbreaking and heartwarming saga of one couple's struggle with infertility. The author bears her soul through a collection of journal entries to expose infertility on a personal basis. Have a full box of Kleenex on hand when you read this book, especially the final pages!
I have a copy of Ms. Donham's new book, Empty Arms..., and I found it to be quite refreshing. It was so nice to find a realistic perspective of the unexpected pain that infertility can cause. I appreciated the invitation to read Ms. Donham's journal and quietly follow her through the up's and down's of her journey. I laughed, cried, and celebrated her joy when she finally received her miracles! I would highly recommend this book to all who are dealing with infertility. I found a new hope by reading this book. I know that I can look at my own situation differently now and I look forward to the time when I too can celebrate my long-awaited child.
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Heartbreaking, heartwarming!, March 23, 2005
Subject: Review of Empty Arms 4-15-05
To my precious little one,
I have dreamed of you for quite some time now. For as long as I can remember, I’ve had a strong maternal instinct, wanting to share my love with something that belonged to me. Growing up, I fantasized about what my baby would look like and what it would be like caring for something so special and unique...
...Even though you have not been sent to me yet, I believe that you are waiting in Heaven for the perfect time to come and live with Mommy and Daddy. I believe that you are hand picked by God to be our special little angel. I am watching the calendar endlessly until we learn of your impending arrival into this world.
With a lifetime of love,
Mommy
And God blessed them, and God said unto them, be fruitful, and multiply...
Genesis 1:28
March 15th, 1998
...Several days later I was back at the hospital working in the Pediatric Step-down Unit. I went to the lab to have my blood drawn again. They told me that my results would take about an hour and a half. That was the longest hour of my life. I was so glad to have work to return to because it kept me busy. Every time I thought about it I trembled with the pure thrill of the thought that you could be coming into our lives. My hands shook so badly I could hardly accomplish anything. My heart raced as my emotions stirred—I just knew this was it! I spent most of the hour and a half wait planning how I would tell your daddy. What an occasion!
Two-thirty p.m.—finally! Time to call the lab. I sat at the desk almost shivering with glee. I was so out of breath I could hardly mutter my name when the lab tech answered the phone. She searched for my results. The tapping of the keyboard echoed in my ears competing with the sound of my pulse as she typed the information into the computer. I thought I would pass out with anticipation before she could tell me the result! “Mrs. Donham, I have your result right here. It is less than three—it is negative.”
At that moment the whole world stopped around me. I could see the busy day moving in its usual chaotic fashion, but I couldn’t hear it. I don’t even think I drew another breath until I finally managed a weak “thank-you.” The telephone dropped from my limp hand to the desk. I was paralyzed with grief. My body was numb from the adrenalin I had built up as it surged through my veins only moments before. I know that my faced drained to a ghostly white color because another nurse rushed over to me asking if I was okay. I told her yes, and then scrambled for the bathroom where I sobbed until the tears would no longer flow.
It was pretty tough to get through that day, promise or no promise...
I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope.
Psalm 130:5
October 21st, 1998
My dear angel baby,
I grieve heavily for you today. I sit here at work with my head in my hands not knowing how I am going to get through this day. So much has come upon me that it magnifies my life without you...
...I woke this morning with the same sadness hanging over me. What an oppression. I want to run away, but I am sure it will follow me. I don’t have time for these feelings. There are so many other areas in my life that need attention right now. I need a way out of this turmoil, but what? I have been taught that the answer should be God. But every time I call upon Him, He seems to turn a deaf ear...
...I am absolutely alone in this nightmare. Friends try to give advice and help, but they still don’t quite understand...
...I turn to pen and paper to empty my soul to you, Dear Baby. It provides me some relief, but not a cure. Hopefully, this will help me manage through my day. I am thankful my back is to my co-workers in the office because tears are sliding down my face uncontrollably. It is going to be a hard day in all of this darkness.
I love you,
Mommy
"The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart;..."
Psalm 34:18
January15th, 1999
...I had done fine with the news until Christmas. I knew Christmas would be tough anyway. It was getting harder year by year. I bought a close friend of mine a picture I had been looking at for years to place in my future nursery. It is a beautiful picture of a mother lovingly holding her infant close. It is inscribed, “For this child I have prayed.” I was anxious to give it to her, knowing the special meaning it would have. But as I was wrapping it, I broke down. I lost it. I couldn’t bear wrapping for her what I thought would be mine for Christmas. I didn’t want to feel that way, but I couldn’t help it. Your daddy draped his arms around me and held me as I continued to weep. After I regained a little strength, I continued on. I wrapped and sobbed with your daddy until I had a beautiful tear-stained gold package...
Revelation 7:17
To my precious little angel baby,
My heart is doing flip-flops! I am so ecstatic because I never believed I would ever be able to write to you again. Surprisingly, an unexpected twist of fate has necessitated another entry in my journal that I thought I had tucked away forever. I have smiled all day long! It is now near midnight and I am too euphoric to sleep. Why? Because we are finally on the brink of our miracle—You!...
...As we set out on our two and a half-hour drive, I struggled to hold the tears back once more. All of the old feelings and thoughts of impossibilities took over my mind, and once again held it captive for the trip to Charleston. I had been told “No” so many times in the past. Why in the world did I think that this time it would be any different? Was I crazy? Faith and fear battled inside of my mind, each determined to rule. I fought the urge to tell your daddy to just turn the car around and go home before we surrendered ourselves to disappointment once again. I resisted that urge and we drove on.
When we finally arrived at the clinic, I wiped my red eyes dry and we nervously headed for the office. My stomach churned and my hands trembled. When we entered the cramped waiting room, I was shaking so bad that I dropped my medical records. All eyes were on me as I hurriedly fumbled through my scattered mess, trying to clean it up. I nervously shoved papers back into their disheveled file and proceeded to the registration desk. We finally managed to sign in and found a seat without making a further scene...
...Basically, we were told, “When you’re ready, we’re ready.” I couldn’t believe my ears.
“Could you repeat that again, please?” I stammered in shock. No impossibilities? No waiting? No new problems? I was in total disbelief! Dr. Y. continued to reassure us...
...Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.
Psalm 30:5